Floating

Someone once told me, “Well, that’s how she floats”, and it’s helped me.  If I know someone is perpetually late, instead of getting ticked off about it, I still decide I can love her, just knowing that that’s how she floats.  If someone is a knee-jerk reaction type person, I should know that’s how she floats, and I can decided if she’s worth being a good friend or not.  You get the gist, right?

Me, I’m a different kettle of fish. I don’t think I float at all! I sink.  I sink w/ anxiety and depression most of  the time and have to keep treading water in order to float! But I try to float easily. I hear my therapist on my shoulder constantly telling me things over and over.  (Yes, we keep covering the same ground as well as new ground.)

So try to remember that people don’t have to live up to your own expectations and remember “that’s how they float”.  You won’t change them…

Pay if Forward (at Tim Horton’s)

Sarah

Lisp

So here I am, thinking only a few people can notice my jaw with its Tardive Dyskinesia, and my chiropractor says to me today, “What’s going on with your jaw? You have a lisp now?”

Darn it all.  I wonder what he really saw.  When I was in third grade I had to take speech lessons for a lisp, now it’s apparently back.

On the good side, I received my new weighted blanket today, hope to sleep through the night tonight!

Pay it Forward,

Sarah

 

 

Toggle Switch

When people are less knowledgeable in the area of anxiety and clinical depression than I expect, I usually say, “If it were a toggle switch, I would have turned it off a LONG time ago”.

trigger pic.jpg

I have incessant worry.  I get so excited when I don’t have something to worry about – I realize it and say to myself, “Oh my word, I’m happy right now!”  (But I’m usually pretty good at cooking up some type of worry.)  Thankfully, I have a handful of friends who realize this, and I call/email each of them with my worry. They all say, “screw that” in one way or the other, and my worry will usually slowly fade away.  Incessant. Toggle Switch.

Pay it Forward

Sarah

 

High Anxiety

High anxiety = perseveration.  Sometimes, ok, a lot of the time, I spend perseverating.  It’s not a word most people know at the tip of their fingers.

per·sev·er·ate
pərˈsevəˌrāt/

verb

PSYCHOLOGY
  1. repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased.
ORIGIN:  early 20th century: from Latin perseverat- strictly abided by, from the verb perseverare (see persevere) .  Note this word persevere – it’s how we go into survival mode when we have anxiety.
It’s not a pleasant part of anxiety (yes, there are good parts to anxiety).  It’s a part of anxiety we wear on our sleeve – people recognized it and get aggravated by it.  I don’t blame them for getting aggravated when I perseverate.  I’m like a broken record and cannot move on.  I roll things back in my mind over and over and over, thinking, “if I had only said this”, or “if I had only said that”.  Seinfeld has an episode with George perservating on what his comeback reply could have been and spends the whole episode trying to come up with a “good enough” one in his mind.  In the end, his comeback was silly, which goes to show you it doesn’t serve you well. (George and the shrimp store episode). Sometimes I get caught on a memory from years ago that I go over and over in my mind. My poor husband.  (He hears it, over and over and over).
My therapist is the kindest person around, and she helps me to work on coping mechanisms for it.  Mindfulness, mostly, and this little image she had me draw in my calendar that I picture each time my mind is stuck.  And Xanax. Xanax, of course.
Pay it Forward
Sarah
PS: Where are the paragraphs I formatted?