For years I was diagnosed with “anxiety and depression” and treated for it, but it never really goes away. My friend, Bonnie, sent me a link about people with “high functioning anxiety”. This was it! When I might happen to tell a friend I haven’t been out in a while because of my anxiety/depression, they would say, “really??? you seem so good!”. If they only knew what was going on inside my head and stomach!
Pay It Forward
I’ve written about my Tardive Dyskinesia before (a rare side effect from certain antidepressants), but a friend told me not to talk about it and not to tell people I have it. She saw it as no big deal, she wasn’t being mean. But it works out better for me when I tell people on the phone that I’m not drunk, that my slurred speech is from TD. It works out better for me when I tell my friends I’m out with that my jaw is working back and forth because of TD. My one friend said, “Sarah, I thought you were chewing gum!!” I could have hugged her, I wish it was as simple as chewing gum.
I had to go to a “movement disorder neurologist” (I had never known there were different types of neurologists). She quickly diagnosed me and was sympathetic.
I bite the insides of my mouth and my tongue, and my words are slurred. It’s no longer just a lisp I have, I’m slurring. I also grind my teeth and push my bottom jaw forward. There have been two new medications recently out on the market for TD. I’ve tried both, and, of course, they gave me such horrible side effects I couldn’t continue the drugs.
So while I’m fighting my anxiety and depression, I’m also fighting the drive-thru at Tim Hortons so they can understand me. I just wish more people knew about this. I was ignorant until Andrea and I started googling, “wiggling tongue”!
Pay It Foward
Someone once told me, “Well, that’s how she floats”, and it’s helped me. If I know someone is perpetually late, instead of getting ticked off about it, I still decide I can love her, just knowing that that’s how she floats. If someone is a knee-jerk reaction type person, I should know that’s how she floats, and I can decided if she’s worth being a good friend or not. You get the gist, right?
Me, I’m a different kettle of fish. I don’t think I float at all! I sink. I sink w/ anxiety and depression most of the time and have to keep treading water in order to float! But I try to float easily. I hear my therapist on my shoulder constantly telling me things over and over. (Yes, we keep covering the same ground as well as new ground.)
So try to remember that people don’t have to live up to your own expectations and remember “that’s how they float”. You won’t change them…
Pay if Forward (at Tim Horton’s)
Depression can hit anyone, just like any medical condition can hit anyone. He is spot-on when he says it feels like cement was running through his veins.
Pay it Forward (at Tim Hortons)
Ha ha, I’m getting there! It’s hard to learn not to dwell on stuff.
Pay it Forward (in the Tim Horton’s line at least)
So here I am, thinking only a few people can notice my jaw with its Tardive Dyskinesia, and my chiropractor says to me today, “What’s going on with your jaw? You have a lisp now?”
Darn it all. I wonder what he really saw. When I was in third grade I had to take speech lessons for a lisp, now it’s apparently back.
On the good side, I received my new weighted blanket today, hope to sleep through the night tonight!
Pay it Forward,
When people are less knowledgeable in the area of anxiety and clinical depression than I expect, I usually say, “If it were a toggle switch, I would have turned it off a LONG time ago”.
I have incessant worry. I get so excited when I don’t have something to worry about – I realize it and say to myself, “Oh my word, I’m happy right now!” (But I’m usually pretty good at cooking up some type of worry.) Thankfully, I have a handful of friends who realize this, and I call/email each of them with my worry. They all say, “screw that” in one way or the other, and my worry will usually slowly fade away. Incessant. Toggle Switch.
Pay it Forward